change of seasons

i stopped by to visit my parents today and handed my mom the profile printout of the donor i've decided to go with. i cracked up when she looked at it and instantly said, "ooooh, great handwriting!" i come by it naturally.

she seemed as taken and impressed as i was with the profile, clearly noting the same things that i knew would have to be important beyond healthy (love of music, artistic spirit, good math brain). dad jokingly asked if he would get to meet the donor, which was a great jumping off point for me to explain the 'willing to be known' concept for donors, and that for me, that was the first and foremost requirement. given the option i have now, i have to provide that future opportunity for my child.

of course i have the pile of registration forms in front of me that i need to complete and fax in tomorrow. as soon as i find my fax machine. i know i have one or two here either in the cellar or attic. i was going to rush and try and get them off on friday from work, but then realized i forgot to print a form and was not feeling wacky enough to risk printing it at he shared work printer. i decided it was a good reminder for me to take a couple deep breathes, relax, and focus on work instead.

Azhure's comment in the last post has been keeping me company the past few days, simply because i agree: i have a really good feeling about this. here we are at Ostara, the season of fertility opening before us and beckoning. i even discovered two tiny crocus in the garden who have bravely peaked the heads above ground, and sings on every cane of my rose bush that it survived the winter just fine. the calm from monday's acupuncture session is still there for me under the surface, allowing me to stop and meditate as i need, and i can't help but find myself smiling at the welcoming thoughts and wishes i'm sending out. it's like having my feet finally under myself. it's a scary and unknown path, but it just feel so much stronger and sure of doing this.

mission positive. that's what i've decided to dub this. positive thoughts about my body, positive thoughts about my fertility, all the power of positive i can throw into every area of my life and carry me through until that BFP* shows up.

* Big Fat Positive. i swear, i will come up with a primer for all these abbreviations.