Wednesday, June 24, 2009

CD1. again.

well, a couple hours after i posted yesterday, i realized, hey, wow, these are some pretty intense cramps. yep, AF decided to make a late afternoon appearance, and with a force which only confirmed my suspicions that the endo is back and spreading. so i went ahead and called over to the clinic to schedule the baseline scan. turns out the RE has also requested a follow up consult with me, so that is scheduled as well. Friday will be a day started and ended at the clinic, with my scan at 7 am, and the RE appointment at 4 pm.

at least yesterday i got to end the day with acupuncture. let me tell you, acupuncture on the day you start your period with craps from hell is an amazing and wonderful thing. once she got the needle "zinging" and the heat lamp centered on my belly (oh dear goddess, yes) i was left alone with my thoughts that were still going a million miles an hour.

i had filled in Dr. G (my acupuncturist) on my thoughts and ideas of doing things at home, possibly on a natural cycle, just with a heck of a lot more herbs. she of course is all for that. she also let me know that she knows several local gynies who will do natural (unmedicated) IUIs if for some reason that is a better option. but right now, i'm going to focus on CM this cycle, and start getting that in better shape. she's convince that even at my age, it is possible.

so even though i'm usually out like a light during acupuncture, the brain was just too full and busy last night. took a lot of time and listening to the meditation playing to finally get myself to calm and start to drift. of course by then, Dr. G was back, and had me roll over o she could do some work on my low back for the end, which is clearly back in its favorite haunts of the back of uterus and my bowels.

all i can say is no cramps today, and i slept absolutely blissfully last night. i feel much better than i did on monday. yeah, it ended up being rather rough on monday, most likely because the massage therapist said the wrong phrase to me in what was an attempt to comfort, but it just shreds me to little pieces: "it wasn't meant to be." thanks. i don't like having to suck that up in hole left by a missing relationship in my life; i'll be damned if i have to live with that for another hole where a relationship with a child should be.

so at least last night i was able to remind myself that i was not broken, and this cant be forced. it is simply abut being open and healthy and ready, and letting it happen. another cycle, back on all the supplements, and ready to grow some more healthy eggies.


  1. I'm sorry about the BFN but glad you are going with the baseline scan. You want to make sure you don't have any cysts. I got a huge one from the Clomid. Good luck with the next steps! Thinking of you.

  2. Sorry about the BFN. I am with you on the expense. I decided to go blind for awhile (ie no medical intervention whatsoever) and see what happens (on my first tww!). But knowledge is power...I guess the baseline makes sense. It's just a bit bothersome that the nurse made you feel as if you absolutely HAVE to do it; it's your decision, after all. You can do whatever the heck you want. Your journey, your body, all that.