Tuesday, April 28, 2009

but really, i'm okay!

between yesterday and today, i've had a lot of sympathetic looks, and "gosh, i'm so sorry!" from folks when they found out that the BFN was official. i don't know if i wasn't expecting that, or if the fact that i've been pretty sure for a week now that i wasn't pregnant makes it feel ... odd to be comforted. or more accurate, odd to be so elated.

i'm elated because i showed that in just a few short weeks, i turned my body around from poor responder, likely not ovulating to multiple follicles ovulated from. it was confirmation of everything i was thinking and hoping about the end of last week when i finally realized i needed to slow down, focus just on my body right now, and then be ready to tackle trying again.

yeah, it kind of sucks to still have to POAS every morning when you know it is going to negative, and some silly part of me all through last week was hoping that "this will be the morning" that the stick changes, when hello, i was clearly lacking in the secondary temp jump on my chart.

i'm energized, i'm at peace, i'm calm and sure of what i'm doing. yes, it was a negative. but a negative with good news. and come on, even for young couples in their 20s with no fertility issues only have 25% chance of getting pregnant each cycle. a woman in optimum health and fertility is looking at about a 15% chance with IUI. so i dropped to a 5%. but that to me is still 5% of YES. YES is can happen, YES it will happen, but you have to be patient. and i know that and am fine with it. that 5% may even be expanding now. it just is so much easier to look at this, take a deep breath, and just let it go. no stress, because what is meant to be, when it is meant to be, will be.