closer and closer...

when you are used to getting a +OPK on day 10 or 11, hitting day 12 without even a faint test line gets mighty nerve wracking. so do a string of pre-ovulation worthy low temps. when your cervix and CM start getting in on the dance, the panic of omg, i'm going to miss my window! is bouncing around non-stop.

then i take a deep breath and remind myself that all this is good. longer follicular phase means strong, healthy eggs (and the ovaries are still doing a major dance). its also more "normal" and a sign of a healthy cycle. low temps mean lots of yin energy going on -- again, good for the eggies. and just because your creaky old body is suddenly producing lovely CM (not yet egg-white, but omg, we are so frickin close) is something to celebrate. things are looking up.

just stop panicking on the OPKs.

oh, and has anyone ever been able to use one of the view-thingies for checking your saliva for ferning? i swear, the light behind the lens blinds me and i can't see a bleeding thing.

of course, i now have to take the swim team down for another refill tomorrow. which means they are coming in to work with me. am so grateful for plain brown packaging... yes, there is a shot of their refill on monday at the welding supply place. me, and four male employees. when the tank came back from being refilled and all the men behind the counter were discussing was it a 5L or 7L refill, and it went snug back in its box, one of the gentlemen piped up and said, "i remember making a carrying box for Dr. So-And-So. What doctors office do you work for?"

never occurred to me they would think i was doing this for a doctors office, so of course nothing came to mind. i instead smiled and said, "oh no, this is for me personally."

"Oh, horses?"

(having grown up on a horse farm, i have no clue why i didn't just say yes. oh, no wait, i do -- it's a bit late in the season for breeding horses!) "Uh, no. Dogs."

yes, i totally wimped out on my chance to be all confident woman gets pregnant on her own. but seeing as i figured i might be back for a refill, it just was so much easier.

but i'm still hoping is the last refill. a weekend LH surge would be perfect. i have an acupuncture appointment on monday, and my doctor gave me some moxa to use after insemination. it would also be more relaxing, because even though my work load is pushing me to being in the office this weekend, i don't necessarily have to be. or at least not for the usual hours.

so again, still sitting here with fingers crossed, ovaries aching, and hoping for a clear LH surge that lasts longer than 3 hours so i can actually catch it!