i've finally admitted it to myself: mother's day falling on my birthday this year IS pissing me off. i didn't think i'd be still in the same place i was last year at this time. ::sigh:: chin up, deep breath, focus on the positive that is CD7 and the growth of a nice fat and healthy follie.
my acupuncturist said something odd to my last week as i was leaving treatment. "i'm really proud of you." i looked at her, confused and asked what she meant. "the whole way you are handling this negative."
i don't know if it is some much handling it as much as it is just being numb. i had that sense from the day after the IUI that things didn't happen. my hopes really didn't get high. as much as i tried to do positive visualization, i knew on some level it was pointless, it wasn't going to be this cycle as much as i wanted it. good news, things falling into place with work and career changes, a huge full double rainbow greeting me one evening during the 2ww... they weren't the signs a portents for this cycle.
yet still, i don't think it is something to be proud off. i feel like i cut myself off emotionally from this whole thing just because i knew i'd be facing a negative test. and somehow i don't think shutting everything down emotionally is necessarily a good thing.
~.~.~.~
but on to bigger and better cycles. Tank will be arriving this Friday for our hot date sometime this weekend. actually, we're going to go for two hot dates. Amazing Midwife thinks a double IUI this time just to counteract any potential bad timing sounds like a fair deal, and seeing as i've purchased those vials already, it's not hurting my wallet much more.
and goddess help me, but i'm about to be a dog owner. me, a confirmed crazy cat lady. my mom is the original Dr. Dolittle and has a foster toy poodle she's been nursing back into health. little white thing, who as it turns out, is one heck of a fire-cracker personality. but what has made me crazy over her is that she is very much a cat trapped in a dog's body. seriously. she's all about snuggling up with you, playing with cat-nip toys, and napping all day. being yippy and yapping at things? not her game. in fact she barely has a bark -- just this itty bitty squeak i've heard once. oh, and yes, she *loves* cats. fascinated with them. wants to give them kisses and curl up to sleep with them. clearly, this is not a canine.
so this little mini-diva is at the point of needing to be settled in somewhere, but mom has been worried about finding the right home for her and dropping hints my way the size of anvils. seeing as i feel much the same as she does (this is a very special dog who has been through a lot, and needs an awesome companion), i gave into the pressure. mom is thrilled and wants her to be settled in with me before Tank arrives since it is proven dogs do good things for your hormones. i chuckled at that one, not asking her for research. at this point, i'll go with every goofy suggestion.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Hi. I am single, and was just diagnosed with a Unicornate Uterus. My doctor has basically presented me with two options: live with pain or a hysterectomy. I am trying to live with the pain, but I don't know how long I'll last. So, I have been seriously considering IUI myself. I'm so glad to find another single lady out here! Good luck with everything.
ReplyDeletei am so sorry to hear of your diagnosis. it's a scary thing to think about. when I was in my early 20s and had my second surgery for endo, my doctor told me there was no 3rd time -- only a hyterectomy. i tried very had to settle it in my head i wasn't going to carry a baby, but that deep-down desire was too strong.
ReplyDeletethere are actually a lot of us single moms by choice out there. if you check my bog roll, most all are single moms. there are also a great resource at http://www.choicemoms.org/, including a discussion board. we are out here! trust me, you will be amazed with the support and encouragement you find if you decide to take this path, either by IUI or adoption.
Hope you don't mind my asking but how did you find a midwife for an IUI? I would love to go that route instead of an RE.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I really think thats a cat too. My mother's dog would try to rip a stuffed kitty to shreds let alone cuddle with it. How sweet for your puppy though. Sounds like a match.
It was actually through my acupuncturist. she's part of the local birth network and knew a couple mid-wives from the group who were independent and willing to perform a natural IUI. I may eventually end up back with the RE for a medicated cycle, but I wanted to give my body the chance of trying things naturally if possible.
ReplyDeletethe little dog is trying hard to settle in, though i think it is an adjustment for her to go from being in a pack of 4 toy poodles, to being the only one. i'll probably turn in early tonight so we can cuddle and ease her nerves a bit. :)