there is a BFN lurking at the end of this week

insanely busy with work. just wanted to sneak by a say sorry, no temp spike indicating that anything caught this time around. bugger, i really wanted this one to be the one.

so after a near-crying session with the acupuncturist last night, she talked me away from the edge of my looming depression and we formulated a "Plan B" for next cycle. i want to try an IUI again. The trick is finding someone around here who will do it unmedicated.

i called one midwife's office this morning, was treated rudely and told, "a nurse might call you back". 6 hours later, no call back. gah. make appointment just to go in and talk? have no clue.

found an email address for the second name acupuncturist gave me and just sent a note off to her explaining my situation and what i'm looking for. if we could please have a collective group of crossed fingers out there, i'd appreciate it.

Single Hussy needs to get back to being Single Career Gal

1 week down, 1 to go

just sneaking in a quick update to let you all know to be on the lookout for a giveaway and product review for some Fairhaven Health goodies.

and was reminded i should really post an update by the sudden wave of exhaustion which just hit me like a ton of bricks. first day of this, so let's keep fingers crossed it means what it did last time.

as for "other signs" (for those who like to play that obsessive game), nothing but my normal luteal phase signs. i ovulate and and bam! i need sugar and carbs, STAT! as in, i will puke if i don't get vast amounts of carbs in my diet. in fact, i'm kind of hoping that the exhaustion isn't simply the result of me nibbling from junior mints this afternoon. don't tell my acupuncturist, 'kay? i figure if the body is screaming for a mainline drip of sugar, i need to placate it a little bit.

only thing else i've noticed this time around is the quantity of food i'm eating. holy, maloly, i don't eat this much. and definitely shouldn't. but somehow right now, a giant green smoothie, an egg, and a bowl of oatmeal is the perfect breakfast, and will hold me over for approximately one hour and forty-five minutes before we need to start thinking of second breakfast.

if my feet start growing larger and sprout hair, we'll now it's just the inner hobbit i never knew i had taking over.

geek joy!

finally searched for excel templates for BBT. duh! omg, i'm in love!

i now must be stopped and need to get back to doing my actual job right now.

only this audience can appreciate this kind of geekery.

finger crossed very tight.

wow. incredible temp dip this morning. not sure what my CM was up to last night, but 3 of the 4 signs (OPK, cervix, BBT) are saying the timing of this is spot on.

so massage last night, then home to insem. tonight will be acupuncture, then home to insem.

i cannot tell you how much i really want this one to take and be the one....

ack!

gotta love it when the test line on your OPK turns a deep blue in mere seconds, before the "haze" creeps ups to the control line.

on the bright side, i'm still surging at 11.45 am. i also had a positive surge at 6.30 am when i got up and my CBE fertility monitor went from nothing to oh hey, ovulation! in mere seconds a well. first time it has done that, which is reassuring, though i would have liked it if it gave me a day of oooh, you're getting close in there.

i'm hoping my temps are merely mimicking last months wackiness. had a nice strong spike to just below my cover line this morning. ideally, they will dip tomorrow, and then give me a nice spike over cover line the next morning, so ovulation will be sometime tomorrow. i'm a wreck it's going to be today since i am surging so strongly. but who knows, maybe this is all the healing of the old body and getting hormone levels back in balance. 40 year olds aren't supposed to have strong LH surges (or at least should time insemination with the first weak positive), but wow, wish you could see these! oops, wait, you can:


sorry for the blur. wanted to get close so you could appreciate that twice as dark test line. fingers crossed that timing of insem late tonight after massage and tomorrow night is on the ball. and these new swimmers are up for the challenge that my eggs present.

now if the acupuncturist would just call back so we can juggle when they want tomorrow nights appointment since this is all happening a couple days sooner than expected.

dear LH surge,

you know, i realize we have a contentious relationship, which leads to a conversation every month. either you are MIA, or blowing into town too early, or just feeling too fickle to show up on a pee stick.

something you may not realize is that i don't exactly have access to hot and cold running sperm around here. i can have access to frozen sperm, but that's all based on a shipping date. oddly enough, that shipping date is usually based on when you are supposed to be around as well.

if you are going to go with the whole when i damn well feel like it option, we've got a problem. a problem that keeps costing me an extra $40 a month as i panic and call the purveyor of said frozen sperm to over-nite us the goods. yes, i realize they are nice, and very used to me right now, but really, you are trying my patience.

let's try and get our act together, okay?
me

~.~.~.~

in news other than my mid-morning pee stick showing a darkening surge line, i did find another donor, and am rather psyched about this one now. good to know my commitment skills are still as skittish as ever. I decided to re-search the whole catalog for my criteria of ethnic/height/eye color preferences instead of first looking at the back-up team i had previously put on the bench. oddly enough, only one of the previous back up players even caught my eye this time, and former #2 was now a distant #5. i instead had two brand new (really, new donors made available) possibilities vying for that top slot. i went to bed that night, wondering how i was going to choose, and figuring i would have to ask for a count comparison from the bank the next day.

except for when i sat down the next day to reread both profiles and knew without a doubt which one it was going to be. interesting choice, and i'd love to talk about some of the features, but then i feel that's kind of just ... weird? crossing a line? ... in a blog where other SMCs making choices are surfing. i'll just throw it out there that i'm open to sharing notes and specifics, but will probably keep that to a private email.

so the new "donor-in-law" (as Tank has now been dubbed by my mom) will be arriving tomorrow. a dark blue line had best not be arriving before then.

oh, but yes, the CM is clearly in the way of shaping up into EWCM loveliness. wow. two months in a row of multi-CM days. which helps me segue into my next little announcement. Fairhaven Health has approached me and invited me to do some product reviews and give-aways of their products here. since i have actually been quite impressed with the results from the FertileCM supplement (seriously, fertile quality CM on a clomid cycle? this goes way beyond evening primrose oil alone!), i have agreed. besides, i think it would be a blast to pass on some goodies to other readers, and get the word out in the SMC community. we seem to be facing so many hurdles as is, i'm all for sharing the stuff that makes it easier on this path.

so that's the state of the Hussy for the moment. looking toward a couple hot -- or is that frozen? -- dates with some new vials before this week's end. every month, the stress about this seems to get less and less. or maybe i'm more used to it. whatever the case, bring on the calm!

i saw this one coming last cycle

i called the cryo bank on friday to let them know CD1 was looming for some point during the holiday weekend, and i'd need to make date reservations for some nice vials. i was supposed to call back yesterday with my expected shipping time, but i was so busy looking at my calendar and dithering about it, i figured tonight when i got home and had a clear hear.

but i had a message on my phone this afternoon: my donor is sold out. yep, i knew when i got the "two for" specials last month (2 vials to bring the total motility count past their guarantee) that we were down to the end of the line. so no big shocker, though i am a little sad if only because i fell in love with that donor's handwriting. yes, i am that weird.

so i'm looking again at my backup team, and running through the catalog again, but not passing over those that are CMV+ since, hello, will not be donating with an active infection; risk of my becoming infected during insemination is impossible. my awesome bank has no problem shipping a CMV+ donor to CMV- me. (i also don't think my RE lab would have had a problem if i chose a CMV+ donor, but i'd just be given the big blahblahblah speech and asked to sign another 50 agreements stating i know the risks. yup, whatever...)

off to find Mr. Tall, Dark and Genetically Appealing.

at least i have *some* luck!

after a week of being tired and cranky because my boobs hurt so frickin' much (not to mention the whole lets gain a cup size so no bra fits! shenanigans), things are starting to ease down, sadly. yet not the boob size. yes, you can take these puppies away now, thanks progesterone. message about being at a healthy level received loud and clear.

temps are simply above coverline with no secondary spike. ::sigh::

but on the bright side, i just found out that i won a Bend Breathe and Conceive DVD from The Mind Reels! wow! i will confess that i've been on a whole Fairhaven Health kick this past cycle. FertilAid, Fertile CM (okay, yes, that stuff definitely works), and FertiliTea. every little bit helps, right? and we all know my love of yoga. now, hopefully this DVD will kick my fanny back into actually practicing instead of coming home and saying my boobs hurt too much and crawling into bed instead.