Thursday, December 24, 2009

no gift under my tree this year

i'm still busy processing much of last week/this past weekend while quietly throwing a temper tantrum about the suckage that is my job.

my nice high temps plummeted last Friday. AF arrived earlier than I expected on Saturday. by Sunday I was bleeding more than I ever had, complete with clots. early miscarriage? yeah, all signs point to it.

i'm back to feeling like I'm stuck with a broken body. estrogen dominance is now wrecking havoc on my luteal phase and causing implantation issues. the huge fear of running out of time is looming over me.

and once again the acupuncturist brought up the "elephant in the room": another surgery for the endometriosis.

it's been 12 or 13 years since my last lap. i'm pretty much asymptomatic except for the fact i can feel every centimeter of my large bowel (painfully so) and my estrogen remains through the roof.

I'm benched for this cycle as we try and balance things out and await the complete hormone panel. and though i don't want more downtime, i know that my acupuncturist is right about the surgery. so much so, i'm going to call my gyn right now for an appointment to talk to him about it, and see if he would be willing to go in for a third time.

i had so wanted to be able to tell my parents they would be grandparents for a gift this holiday. sometimes i think wanting something so much just seems to make it impossible.


  1. I'm sorry you can't tell your parents that special thing on Christmas but I'm glad you are moving forward and calling your doc. For me, once I was able to do something to keep going, it felt like progress. It will happen. I believe.

    May 2010 bring much happiness!

  2. I am truly sorry that you didn't get pregnant this cycle. I am praying that we all get our BFP's very soon. You are in my T's&P's.

  3. Argghh... so frustrating. But checking out surgery seems like a positive step. I hope your gyn has good things to say.