wow, look at that, a whole month and then some went missing up here. i've been a bit holed up in my head of late, struggling with finding time and energy to write. things have been both a whirlwind, and yet the same old boring things. work has mostly taken all my time, and i've been doing some soul-searching on that front and am contemplating a career change.

but that's not why you're breezing by to see if i'm still here.

let's see, long story wrap up from when we last left our intrepid heroine:

• i checked in with my gyn to discuss if endo was hiding and if another surgery should be undertaken. his conclusion is that no, no signs on sonograms or symptoms, and that the risk of surgery for me outweighed any possible benefit.
• i sent off saliva test for my full December cycle to get a full hormone analysis. came back with classic estrogen dominance, to the point that i should not be ovulating as regularly and nicely as i do. but it explains why i was not able to hold onto the egg that fertilized in December -- my progesterone levels are good, but the estrogen is still higher.
• did testing for my adrenals which came back showing major burn-out. classic signs of long term high stress. shocking. absolutely shocking. < /sarcasm > am now on some herbs for adrenal support. my reaction (or rather, my lack there of) to high stress moments now is just amazing.
• did a full herbal cleanse from Blessed Herbs. wow. that was amazing, and felt incredible. i feel like i've completely reset my body, and last month's BBT chart was one of the best i've had this past year.
• was supposed to try another IUI this cycle, but the bank didn't have any IUI sampled ready until *this* month for both my #1 and #2 choices. argh!
• not trying this month may have worked out for the best. at the very end of my cleanse and the start of this cycle, i got hit with a nasty cold. i'm still rather miffed by that -- i haven't had a cold in probably 15 years. i get the flu, i have allergies, but i simply don't get colds.
• i broke down and bought the circle+bloom meditation series. this is another wow. absolutely love it. have never had such a powerful and effective guided meditation experience. the relaxation i'm able to achieve in my body is just amazing.
• started this cycle trying an herbal protocol for the estrogen dominance. unfortunately, i don't think it agreed with my body. i got tossed into a chronic daily migraine cycle, anxiety, depression, mood swings, and just feeling sick and unhappy. i decided to listen to my gut this week and stopped it. 48 hours later, and i am beginning to feel like myself again.

so, that's about where we are. i went ahead and purchased 4 vials of #1 donor in IUI, so i won't get caught not being able to try again. CD20 right now, so should probably drop the midwives a note to let them know i'll be back in circulation next month.

now, to see if i can accomplish the new mission of keeping this spot actually updated in a timely manner...

and we have a winner!

oh, i can't wait to type that subject line after a 2ww.... but for now, it will have to be the winner of the FertleCM from Fairhaven Health. 9 comments on the entry, and after entering them into the randomizer. . .

#6 comment is from ttc4toolong! congrats! drop me an email with your name and mailing address, and i will get this in the mail to you.

in the meantime, another giveaway. this is another favorite of mine, the FeriliTea. you all know how much i love my tea and trying to find a few minutes to relax. this is a great herbal blend that is soothing and minty, and yet, full of all those fertility herbs we hear so much about. this is my staple upon walking in the door from work.

just leave a comment here in this entry, by next Sunday, November 8 Monday, November 16, answering the question "what is your favorite thing to do to relax?" i will again pick a winner from all the comments -- and maybe try an incorporate some relaxation ideas into my life!

don't forget about the discount Fairhaven Health is offering everyone of 10% off your entire order by December 31, 2009. just enter "GREATDEAL" as the discount code. it's not just fertility and conception aids, but also pregnancy and nursing supplies on their site. i used the code to order a beautiful fertility bracelet for myself, as a reminder and calming touchstone. (it's a bit too large for my wrist, but makes a great anklet until i can get a jewelry savvy friend to take it down to my size!)

[as full disclosure, i'm not associated with Fairhaven Health, nor am i being paid for these reviews or giveaways. i had actually been using their products before they approached me and asked if i was interested in offering giveaways on this blog. knowing how expensive this journey is for many of us, i jumped at the chance to share some goodies with fellow tryers.]

IT'S GIVE-AWAY TIME!

okay, okay, i'm out of the habit of blogging when work goes cuckoo on me and i decide to take a cycle or two off of trying. but, even though i'm benched for the next few week, it does not mean i'm pouring back the vino and ignoring my old body.

nope, still doing my supplements, and today, i'm going to share with you one of my favorites i've found along this wacky journey: FertileCM.

yup, i'd seen all the stuff all over the blogosphere on FertilAid and FertileCM, but didn't pay too much attention because i figured, oh, i'm doing fine with my supplements. as i head into clomid cycles. with a 40 year old body.

and i wondered why i was having problems charting my CM as directed. i mean, where was this elusive stuff? i knew clomid was drying and all, but really?

then on my third round of clomid, i gave in and ordered some FerileCM, since the old "drink lots of pineapple juice and take evening primrose oil" had done nothing for me. it arrived on CD6, i started taking it, and in less than a week -- while taking clomid -- i had a light bulb moment. THAT was CM! and pretty soon it became omg, EWCM!

love this stuff -- it can wake up even a 40 year cervix and teach it how to do its job.

so, if you would like to try some, just leave comment to this post by October 30. i'll be doing a random drawing from all comments on Saturday, October 31st - how's that for a trick or treat? trust me, it's a treat. ;)

in the meantime, if you want to check out Fairhaven Health and their other products (i'll be posting reviews and giveaways on them in the next couple of weeks), i have a special coupon code for you. just enter "GREATDEAL" at checkout and get 10% off your entire order before December 31.

getting back in the swing of things

whew! didn't mean to vanish like that, but once it was clear i was going to have to take this cycle as a break, i really seemed to have taken a break! of course coming back to news of so many many pregnancies in these parts is amazing! i'm doing the climbing beta dance for you all!

and yes, a break. that CD1 showed up a bit sooner than i expected last go around. what happened to my long luteal phase? but as i looked at the calendar and counted out when my surge would be falling, it was going to be smack in the middle of me being out of town. the acupuncturist of course loved this news. "you're body is awfully smart -- it needs to take a break." so break it is as we shuffle up my natural protocol here.

dropped - the soy isoflavones

added - red clover infusion daily, milky oats and nettle infusion daily, Shatavari daily, Ashwagandha daily, kefir daily

holding the course - TCM herbs for all four phases, FertilAid, FertileCM, evening primrose oil, omega 3-6-9, baby aspirin, maca root, vitamin D, iron, B supplement, CoQ10, wheat grass.

i have to say, i've felt the difference. my uterine and ovarian area has felt much more active, and i had an amazingly long follicular phase for me -- ovulated on CD15! normally i'm CD11 or 12. and yes, this later ovulation date means that i was back home for it, but hey, a break is a break. i mean i even drank wine while out of town, got crummy sleep, didn't check my cervix or CM religiously. (and yet when checking my CP, at CD10, it was higher than ever before - the os completely out of reach, and the little bit i could reach was super soft. i think changes are definitely afoot!)

so that's the state of things on the TTC front.

~.~.~.~

now, for a story, and please, don't let me be *that* pregnant woman.

at the market tonight, i was in my parked car, finishing up a phone call when the person in the car beside me returned with her cart, and pushed it right next to my door to load her groceries, blocking me from getting out. no problem, i was still on the phone and in no hurry. but then i notice she pulls the cart away and very deliberately parks it right behind my car so it is touching my trunk (i'd pulled nose first into the space, so this was in the traffic area), and out of sight in my rear view mirror.

surprised, i got out of my car and looked at here. "oh, were you leaving?" she asked, clearly surprised she got caught.

"no. but why would you put the cart there, when the cart return is two steps away?" okay,maybe four steps away -- it was may car, her car, 1 other car and then cart return. hellllooooo!

she gives me this look like i'm obviously from another universe. "because i'm pregnant and leaving." hey, i don't judge bump sizes, but hers was small, and i'm thinking if this chick needs to be on bed rest and avoid walking, what in he heck is she doing out at the market to begin with.

i blink and look at her. in the time it took for her to carefully arrange the cart behind my car, she could have pushed it into the return. i'm not impressed. "congratulations. the cart return is still right there."

now she gets upset. "i don't need attitude."

"i noticed. the one you have is rather appalling." (yeah, i'm that snarky bitch who always has a good comeback.)

so yes, i was bitchy to a pregnant woman. but oh my god, if i ever try to pull that sh*t when pregnant, someone please come smack me! seriously, 1 car away. 1 car!

~.~.~.~

and yes, i have giveaways to do! i hope in the scramble of catching up at work to get one posted. keep your eyes out!

dear LH surge,

you know, i realize we have a contentious relationship, which leads to a conversation every month. either you are MIA, or blowing into town too early, or just feeling too fickle to show up on a pee stick.

something you may not realize is that i don't exactly have access to hot and cold running sperm around here. i can have access to frozen sperm, but that's all based on a shipping date. oddly enough, that shipping date is usually based on when you are supposed to be around as well.

if you are going to go with the whole when i damn well feel like it option, we've got a problem. a problem that keeps costing me an extra $40 a month as i panic and call the purveyor of said frozen sperm to over-nite us the goods. yes, i realize they are nice, and very used to me right now, but really, you are trying my patience.

let's try and get our act together, okay?
me

~.~.~.~

in news other than my mid-morning pee stick showing a darkening surge line, i did find another donor, and am rather psyched about this one now. good to know my commitment skills are still as skittish as ever. I decided to re-search the whole catalog for my criteria of ethnic/height/eye color preferences instead of first looking at the back-up team i had previously put on the bench. oddly enough, only one of the previous back up players even caught my eye this time, and former #2 was now a distant #5. i instead had two brand new (really, new donors made available) possibilities vying for that top slot. i went to bed that night, wondering how i was going to choose, and figuring i would have to ask for a count comparison from the bank the next day.

except for when i sat down the next day to reread both profiles and knew without a doubt which one it was going to be. interesting choice, and i'd love to talk about some of the features, but then i feel that's kind of just ... weird? crossing a line? ... in a blog where other SMCs making choices are surfing. i'll just throw it out there that i'm open to sharing notes and specifics, but will probably keep that to a private email.

so the new "donor-in-law" (as Tank has now been dubbed by my mom) will be arriving tomorrow. a dark blue line had best not be arriving before then.

oh, but yes, the CM is clearly in the way of shaping up into EWCM loveliness. wow. two months in a row of multi-CM days. which helps me segue into my next little announcement. Fairhaven Health has approached me and invited me to do some product reviews and give-aways of their products here. since i have actually been quite impressed with the results from the FertileCM supplement (seriously, fertile quality CM on a clomid cycle? this goes way beyond evening primrose oil alone!), i have agreed. besides, i think it would be a blast to pass on some goodies to other readers, and get the word out in the SMC community. we seem to be facing so many hurdles as is, i'm all for sharing the stuff that makes it easier on this path.

so that's the state of the Hussy for the moment. looking toward a couple hot -- or is that frozen? -- dates with some new vials before this week's end. every month, the stress about this seems to get less and less. or maybe i'm more used to it. whatever the case, bring on the calm!

at least i have *some* luck!

after a week of being tired and cranky because my boobs hurt so frickin' much (not to mention the whole lets gain a cup size so no bra fits! shenanigans), things are starting to ease down, sadly. yet not the boob size. yes, you can take these puppies away now, thanks progesterone. message about being at a healthy level received loud and clear.

temps are simply above coverline with no secondary spike. ::sigh::

but on the bright side, i just found out that i won a Bend Breathe and Conceive DVD from The Mind Reels! wow! i will confess that i've been on a whole Fairhaven Health kick this past cycle. FertilAid, Fertile CM (okay, yes, that stuff definitely works), and FertiliTea. every little bit helps, right? and we all know my love of yoga. now, hopefully this DVD will kick my fanny back into actually practicing instead of coming home and saying my boobs hurt too much and crawling into bed instead.