Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Not on a break, there are just no words when you live in darkness

There has been an item on my to do list since last September: Update Knocked Up.

It should be easy as there has been no lack of things to blog about.

But when your world comes to an end, there is little strength to remember to breathe.  Rehashing your struggles of how and why is of little import.


Perhaps as part of my journey out of this dark hole I can try to start telling the story.


Just know, it is not good.  With no notice, the state came and tried to take A. from me with no notice, and no chance to see her again.  I managed to get another 36 hours with her.

But with no transition, no preparation, a crying, screaming girl was pulled out of my arms at 5 in the morning at the airport, and that is the last I have heard of her.

She is missing.  In attempting to reach out to the birth family for some kind of update and the chance to be a "fairy godmother" and send books and toys and clothes, I hired a private investigator,  The court ordered her to be removed and placed with a specific family member because she HAD to be with half siblings.  But she is not there.  No one will tell me where she is, or what happened.  Is it transition that did not work out right?  Was it all a lie just to get her into foster care in another state?  Is she back in this state and I was lied to yet one more time and would not be offered her placement?

All I know is that there is a two year old child who had her life shattered at 17 months, everything she knew of safety, security and love ripped away from her, and I have to fix that.

Because I cannot breathe without her in my life.

14 comments:

  1. I have no words... I cannot imagine how you must be feeling. I wish you all the strength in the world.

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  2. I'm so sorry. My heart breaks for the both of you. xoxo

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  3. Oh I'm so sorry. So very sorry

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  4. Oh GOD. I have nothing to say except I am so so sorry. For you, for her -- for everything.

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  5. I am so sorry to read this. I hope you get her back and everything works out to her advantage.

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  6. I have no words either...it's unfathomable. Best wishes for strength, bravery, and hope as you continue the fight to find her and hopefully get her back. You and little A are in my prayers.

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  7. This makes my heart hurt for the both of you. Keeping you both in my prayers. (((hugs)))

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  8. I am tearing reading this. I am so sorry for both of you.

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  9. I am in tears as I read this. I am so very sorry. I cannot even imagine what you are going through, and poor A how very scary for her. Wishing and praying that you can find her and get her back.

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  10. My heart breaks for you and your little girl who has lost everything she knows, her connection with her mom, nurturer and keeper. The people who did this are cruel and heartless and evil. Is there anything we can so to help? Can we do a petition? I don't know you so don't know if you are in the States or somewhere else, and don't know the laws. But I have a two and a half year old girl and I know that bond and breaking it is the most damaging thing someone can do to a child and her mom. So so incredibly sorry, and angry. Hugs to you.

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  11. This is terrible. I have so much admiration for families that give foster care. I hate that now a little girl is heart broken and that you are too. :-( Hugs

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  12. I'm so sorry. I hope you get some answers. I cannot imagine. Thinking of you.

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  13. In what Universe does an agency that is supposed to be working for the best interest of a child get to rip two lives apart? This is so wrong on so many levels. It is times like this where I really wish I was lawyer. When you catch your breath, ask around and find yourself the best family lawyer you can, and then put a button on your sidebar to help pay for it. Because you know we'll all be clicking on that button.

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  14. (((HUGS))) I am so sorry. I have no idea what the authorities are thinking when they do these things. Poor A :(

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