dear body:

i'm not sure what you are up to this cycle, but color me very much not amused. we are on CD11 and i would like at least a hint that there is some LH running around my system. also, that temp spike above my coverline on CD10 is So Not Funny. especially given the complete lack of any sighting of LH since CD6, and that a certain frozen vial is winging its way here. bear in mind that Ms. Cervix is also reporting in remains low and firm, and El Libido can only just now be faintly heard humming a cha-cha.

i'm watching you. you better be getting it together, or just wildly excited of the fact that you are finally producing one hell of a primary follicle. i'll let you get away with goofing off with the BBT this one, but i expect everything else to be running as normal. or rather, better than normal.

now, kindly fall into line and return my temps to their normal pre-ovulatory range. extra stress is in no way necessary right now.

much love,
me.

missing in action

sorry, folks, welcome to the crazy time of year. work life has shifted from the 60 hours a week schedule to 80 hours-eat your entire life schedule. i don't have time for much beyond work, commute, sleep, shower. lather, rinse, repeat.

that said, in the midst of this uber-high stress atmosphere, we are on CD11 and trying to do one really well timed IUI with the midwife this time around. that is, if my LH surge would behave and show up. my poor CBE fertility monitor has been completely bamboozled by the happy shift in my hormones (hello, estrogen!) brought on by the massive amounts of red clover infusions i've been consuming. the darned thing is just reading "high" fertility all the time. my 10 pm OPK tests have been annoyingly stark white, even with my 10 am OPKs starting to show a hint of a line.

add to that that my my temp jumped this morning, and i was convinced that i somehow missed ovulation. at which point i reminded myself that hello, my cervix was not high until today, and the EWCM is still scant. though, there *is* EWCM already -- even when my cervix was low and firm. lovely stuff. this i completely credit the massive amounts of oat top infusions and FertileCM i've been ingesting. :)

today's 10am OPK is darker than yesterday's, and yesterday's was darker than Wednesdays, and Tuesday's was stark white. i think it is coming, just slowly. and maybe i'm drinking too much water between my 6 pm pee and 10 pm test. but darn, i'm thirsty! and there are herb infusions to consume!

keep your fingers crossed that tomorrow or Sunday's mid-day OPK is a super strong positive i've come to expect.

in the meantime, i've got to do some yoga tonight to calm myself down.

and stop checking my top desk-drawer where my 10am test is stashed to see if it is suddenly darkening to a strong surge

i cannot make this sh*t up

clearly, the road of TTC on your own is just not the same without the moments of complete and utter insanity. this is why the universe continues to pull these practical jokes on me.

no OPK this morning. OPK from 15 minutes ago:

gee, i'm not sure about that test line on the left. is it really darker than the control line on the right?

look, this one is saying "HA, HA!! faked you out!"

i am just ... i don't know. we go from stark white test lines to a screaming positive like i've never had before and this *after* a temp spike.

whatever. the remaining swim team members will just have to stay chilly overnight (fingers crossed). i'm going to yoga and moxa it tonight, and then have another morning romance with the vials tomorrow.

oh, and i give up understanding my body.

oh you have GOT to be kidding me

waking up to a brilliant temp spike is NOT what i wanted. WTF?? why do OPKs hate me this month, barely showing even a hint of line? folks, i'm doing the fertility monitor POAS first thing in the morning, an OPK smuggled into the work bathroom between 10 am and noon, and another test at around 10 pm at night. i'm making myself wait at least 4 hours before any POAS. i'm limiting my fluid intake (when hello, i need to also be increasing it for CM) during those 4 hours. and nothing!

::headdesk::

considering how wonderful things looked last night, and not even being able to reach my cervix this morning, i decided forget getting the tank refilled. i was just going to have to be a bit late to work this morning because i had some important baby-making to do.

up in the air on whether to do round tonight or tomorrow morning. probably tonight. that better be a damn lively egg that got shoved out! hear me, egg? i want you alive beyond the usual time frame and waiting for the boys to get up there.

i swear, if i have to do this again next cycle, i'm just listening to my cervix and CM and those OPKs can get lost.

in the meantime, CAN WE PLEASE ALL CROSS FINGERS FOR ME?

(this freak-out has been brought to you by the letter O and the numbers 97.2 and 97.9)